Pumpkin 19 Week Update

Tumbleweeds have been rolling through in recent weeks as I’ve dealt my personal depression and anxiety with this pregnancy. You know those wonderful people who can think positive and look for the good in all situations; I’m not one of them. I’m the ‘expect the worse and be happy when it’s good news’ type of person. With a few miscarriages and a preemie under my belt, I don’t hold pregnancy in high regards. It scares the living daylights out of me and turns me into a nervous wreck. With Stuffing, I was petrified up until we passed the 10 week mark and she was healthy and alien blob looking with a beating heart. Even up until the second trimester I did not have the blissful ignorance of first time pregnancy because I knew that miscarriages can and will come at any time. Then the 29 week emergency cesarean section and the discovery of my bicornuate uterus and a lot fell into place but my visage of ignorance fell away and I knew just how scary and how wrong pregnancy can go.


With Pumpkin, my emotions and have run the gamut, from YAHOO! I’m so excited to sitting in my bathroom at work crying my eyes because I am so scared. Terrified beyond belief is a more apt description. I try to keep my anxiety as low as possible and work hard at concentrating on the good. The more stressed out I make myself the less hospitable his stay in my womb will be. He does seem to be enjoying his stay and I hope he continues to make it his home until we hit the 38 week mark. At 19 weeks he is already much larger than his sister at her 20 week anatomy scan (where she measured only 17 weeks and the OB brushed me off when I questioned it) and seems to be doing quite well for himself in there. The placenta is currently sitting on top of him so movements are soft dull thuds but any movement is a big reassurance for me.

We had our second high risk appointment yesterday and growth is good, heart rate was right on target, and he was hungry and stubborn. We had to move him by jiggling my belly quite a few times but they were able to get all of the necessary measurements. It gave me a big boost to see him healthy and happy in there and motivation to get through this week. I was told in no uncertain terms that a VBAC is not possible and a second cesarean is the order of the day but overall they felt positive this pregnancy is on the right track and are trying very hard to get my 17P shots ordered immediately.